Summoning Battousai
by marstanuki
Summary: Battousai,the legendary warrior cursed to fulfill every woman's sexual fantasy whoever summons him...and Kaoru accidentally did K
1. Prologue

SUMMONING BATTOUSAI

By MARSTANUKI

Standard Disclaimers Apply

WARNING: Major OOCness

(Un-Edited Version)

SUMMONING BATTOUSAI

PROLOGUE:

Once upon a time there was a legendary warrior called Battousai. His beauty was so great, all the women who saw him longed to be his, but he would have none of them. The goddess of love, Benten, fell-in-love with him and showered him with gifts. What men care for most was set before him. But Battousai was a scorner of love. All he cared about was bloodshed and he loved only himself. The goddess, then, condemned him to spend an eternity trapped into oblivion.

He is a love-slave who is completely controlled by, and devoted to, whoever summons him.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

This is based on the book "Fantasy Love," by S. Kenyon. I sort of twisted it a little. HOPE YOU LIKE IT.


	2. HOLY COW! IT'S BATTOUSAI!

SUMMONING BATTOUSAI

By MARSTANUKI

Standard Disclaimers Apply

WARNING: Major OOCness

(Un-Edited Version)

SUMMONING BATTOUSAI

CHAPTER 1:

"You'll like him, Kaoru," Misao whispered excitedly.

Kaoru cocked an eyebrow.

The green-eyed girl gave a jump of excitement. "He is the most delicious man that ever existed."

"Who? Ronald McDonald or Kenny Rogers?" Kaoru asked curiously.

Misao gave her best friend a scalding glare. "No! Battousai."

Kaoru frowned at her. "Who is this Battousai? Your new conquest?" she teased.

Misao shook her head in frustration. "No. Battousai is a love-slave who is completely controlled by, and devoted to, whoever summons him."

Kaoru eyed her best friend seriously. "You are not toying with my mind, are you, Misao?" she asked sternly. "Just like you did poor Megumi. You told her, that opium-dealing ex-boyfriend of hers got out of jail and is now after her. The poor woman had a nervous breakdown, and is now seeking psychiatric help." She shook her head disapprovingly at her friend.

"Hmph! Kaoru, that woman's insane since birth," she said scowling. "Besides, she's too old for my brother, Sano. I'm just doing him a big favor. Now, he's happy with Sayo."

"Still-"

"Tut, tut. Don't you worry your pretty little head about her." Her face became gravely earnest. "Now, about Battousai—"

Kaoru laughed out loud. She knew it was rude. But she couldn't help it. How in the world could someone believe in something so ludicrous? Sometimes her best friend is a complete whacko.

"Don't laugh. I'm serious.

"I know you are, that's what makes this so funny." Clearing her throat, Kaoru sobered. "He is just a legend, Misao. A silly old wives tale, told by someone who still believes in fairy tales."

"That's not true," Misao protested. "It was said that Battousai was cursed by the goddess of love, Benten. His beauty was so great, all the girls who saw him longed to be his, but he would have none of them. The goddess herself, fell-in-love with him and showered him with gifts. What men care for most was set before him. But Battousai was a scorner of love. All he cared about was bloodshed and he loved only himself. The goddess, then, condemned him to spend an eternity trapped into oblivion until true love comes along."

Kaoru was obviously intrigued. "Go on."

Misao smiled and whispered conspiratorially. "Legend has it that he was cursed to do the one thing he hated the most." She paused for dramatic effect. "And that is to serve the women he so despised, and give them pleasure."

"Poor him," Kaoru said rolling her eyes. She found it hard to believe that a bloodthirsty warrior could turn into Casanova.

"It was said his presence alone was enough to satisfy women, and once touched by his hand they would become blinded by pleasure. None could stand against his charm." Her smile grew wider. "Imagine having such an incredibly devastatingly handsome love-slave at your beck and command."

Yep, this was definitely the fantasy of a lifetime.

"Kaoru?" Misao asked, her voice full of mirth. "Are you willing to try a little experiment?"

"No!" Kaoru said emphatically, brushing her loose hair behind her ears. Just because she doesn't have a boyfriend doesn't mean she's desperate to have one. "Misao, I don't have time for such nonsense. Besides, I need to finish my book. I have a deadline to catch." Her career as a fictional author is finally starting to take off.

"C'mon Kaoru. Don't' be such a killjoy like your over-protective sister, Tomoe. Thank goodness she's having her first child. Maybe she'll loosen up a bit." It was hard to believe that Kaoru and Tomoe were related. Tomoe had been elegant, demure and always serious; while Kaoru had been a tomboy, quick-tempered and cheerful. But when it comes to eye power, Kaoru got the high marks. They were celestial blue, and they had a sexy slant to them, just like her eyebrows.

Kaoru wanted to defend her eldest sister. Sure, she was over-protective. All right, she's way too over-protective. But since the death of their parents, Tomoe became her surrogate mother. She smiled fondly at the memory when she recalled the time when Megumi called her a sweaty tomboy and her sister went after her, ready to defend her sister's honor. Yep, her sister, Tomoe meant the whole world to her.

Misao waved a hand in front of her face. "Earth to Kaoru."

The blue-eyed girl sighed. She knew better than to argue with Misao-she had that look. And nothing short of an alien invasion would make her stop until she got her way.

Besides, what was the harm? "All right. If it'll ease your pain. I'll do it."

"Yay!" Misao exclaimed, grabbing her arm and pulling her to her feet. "We need to go out to the deck."

Feeling like a kid at a sleepover who had lost a truth-or-dare contest, Kaoru allowed Misao to pull her outside.

The damp air filled her lungs as crickets chirped and a thousand stars twinkled above them. Kaoru supposed it was a beautiful night to summon Battousai. She snickered at the thought.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked Misao. "Wish on some planet?"

Shaking her head, Misao moved her to stand in the circle of moonlight where it fell over the eaves of her apartment roof.

"Say his name," Misao commanded.

"Oh, Battousai, my love," Kaoru said in mock desire. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! On top, missionary, sideways, sixty-nine, French…"

Misao laughed. "Stop it. This is serious!"

"Be quite I'm trying to summon Battousai from the great beyond." She looked at Misao. "I only know of one way to make this even more ridiculous…"

Kaoru opened her arms wide, tipped her head back, and implored the dark sky above, "Oh, great gorgeous love-slave you make me so hot and horny. I just can't wait to sink my teeth into that wonderful body of yours, so have your wicked way with me. I command you to rise," she said, wagging her eyebrows.

Misao snorted. "That's not how you do it. You have to say his name three times."

Kaoru gasped. "What! I don't think so. What if he suddenly shows up and slits my throat."

"You're watching too many horror movies," Misao grumbled. "He's not Candy Man, for cryin' out loud. He is a love-slave. Got it?"

Kaoru smiled sheepishly at her best friend. "Oh, alright. Love-slave, love-slave, love-slave."

Her hands on her hips, Misao glared at her. "Battousai."

"Can't I just call Brad Pitt, instead?" she looked imploringly at her friend.

"Kaoru-" Misao said warningly.

"Oh, sorry," Kaoru closed her eyes. "Come and ease my aching loins, oh great Battousai, Battousai, Battousai."

She looked back at Misao. "You know, that's hard to say three times fast."

But Misao wasn't paying a bit attention to her. She was busy looking around for the appearance of Battousai.

Kaoru rolled her eyes again as a subtle wind swept across the yard and a faint scent of sandalwood wafted around them.

All of a sudden the phone rang. Answering it, Kaoru heard Aoshi's voice asking for Misao.

"It's the love of your life," she said, handing the phone over to her best friend.

Kaoru still find it hard to believe that Aoshi and Misao were now going steady. Two very opposite people. One who does not like to talk, and the other who likes to talk too much. She knew that there were certain things in life that defied explanation.

"Kaoru, I better go now. Aoshi's pissed at me because I forgot it's our anniversary today." Misao said totally embarrassed.

Kaoru shook her head. "Serves you right. You and your obsession with Battousai. I hope Aoshi forgive you."

"I hope so, too." Misao gathered up her bag and hugged Kaoru. "Bye."

"Be careful and drive slowly."

Misao waved before getting into her bright red Jeep Cherokee and driving off.

With a tired sigh, Kaoru shut and locked the door.

She shook her head once again. Would Misao ever outgrow such nonsense? Kaoru laughed at their silliness.

She took their dirty dishes to the kitchen sink. As she rinsed out the glasses, she saw a bright flash of light.

For a second, she thought it was lightning.

Until she realized, it came from inside the house.

"What the…?"

She put the glasses aside and walked toward the living room. Suddenly, she felt a strange presence, one that made the hair on the back of her arms and neck rise.

It was then that she saw a small figure standing in front of the couch.

It was a man.

A gorgeous, gorgeous man.

It was Battousai!

"Holy shit!" Kaoru gasped.

Battousai folded his arms over his chest, his eyes twinkling in a cross between anger and amusement.

"Holy shit!" the blue-eyed girl repeated.

"Hello?" Battousai waved his hand in front of Kaoru's face. Still Kaoru didn't blink.

"Holy shi-"

"Would you stop?" Battousai chided.

She moved around the living room until she could see his entire body. Her gaze started at the top of his glowing red-hair and went all the way down to his bare feet.

Battousai barely suppressed his ire over her actions. "Would you like to examine my teeth next, or would you rather I drop my hakama for your inspection?" he asked with more malice than he'd intended.

If only she'd close her mouth and quit looking at him that way. He'd never been able to stand such unnatural attention.

Kaoru hesitantly reached out her hand to touch his arm.

"Boo," he snapped, making her jump a foot into the air.

It was him!

No! It couldn't be.

Things like this just didn't happen in real life. Most especially not to average people like her.

And yet…

"Battousai?" she asked breathlessly.

Good gracious, but he's every woman's fantasy come true! Stunning red-hair that seemed to practically glow and intense amber eyes that could only be described as erotic. Unbelievably handsome and captivating, his face could only be called beautiful. He was definitely breathtaking. No doubt about it. The man was downright yummy…

"Are you really, Battousai?" she repeated, looking him up and down in astonishment. "I had no idea you were so—so small."

Battousai smirked. "Didn't you ever hear the phrase 'size does not matter?"

Kaoru glared at him. "Very funny. You look like a boy who never outgrew puberty." She shook her head in disbelief. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

"Whatever you wish for." His gaze turned from ice to fire in the space of about two heartbeats. "I'm here to fulfill your fondest sexual desire."

Kaoru hesitated at his words. "Can't I just wish for wealth and fame, instead?" she asked hopefully.

He frowned. "I'm not a god. I'm a love-slave."

"Oops, sorry."

Swallowing the gall that stuck in his throat, Battousai spread his arms out, and offered his body to her. "You can do with me as you wish. Just tell me how to please you."

TBC

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I'M BACK! Hopefully for good. I miss you all! I'll be updating "Timeless" very, very soon. (Hopefully, this week).

xZig-zagx – Thanks for the advice. What's wrong with my rating? I always rate my fics PG-13. This new fanfiic rating is making my head spin. I still like the old one. If they ever remove my story, there's always mediaminer. Thanks for reviewing.

BTW, to those who don't know "Candy Man," it's a horror flick. You have to say his name 3x and he will appear. It's creepy.

BENTEN or Benzaiten is the goddess of luck, love, eloquence, wisdom and the fine arts. Benten is the patron of the geishas and the art folks. She is shown with eight arms riding on a dragon.


	3. Tempting Fate

SUMMONING BATTOUSAI

By MARSTANUKI

Standard Disclaimers Apply

WARNING: Major OOCness

(Un-Edited Version)

SUMMONING BATTOUSAI

CHAPTER 2:

Kaoru believe she came up with the only appropriate response. "Huh?"

Huh? Okay, that's not the reaction he was expecting.

He frowned at her. "I want to know how I can please you. Do I need to repeat myself or are you that slow?"

"What!" How insulting!

He grinned, dazzling her with his smile. "Look, woman. Let's speak frankly here. You have an itch you want scratched. Well, I'm the perfect one to do it. Unless, of course, you happen to be a lesbian."

For nearly a minute her vocal chords were in shock. "Whaaat?" she seemed to be stuck on that word.

How dare he! Her mouth tightened. Kaoru's gaze veered to the knife in the kitchen. With very little urging she'd cheerfully slit his throat.

"Now you listen to me!" she exclaimed. "If this isn't soap opera material, I don't know what is. Just for argument's sake, suppose you tell me the punch line."

"Punch line?"

"This is where you will say 'Surprise! You're on hidden camera!'"

"Huh?"

"This is all a joke, right?" Kaoru demanded.

Battousai regarded her balefully. In the past women had hung onto his words. This woman talked up a storm with no sign of quitting. "No, I'm dead serious."

Good riddance. This was happening so fast, too fast, and she didn't have time to digest it all.

She shook her head. In her wildest dreams Kaoru had never expected to hear such a proposal.

"Listen here, buddy, I'm not the wham, bam, thank you, ma'am type."

"You don't seem like the tea ceremony type, either," he countered. All the women he encountered wanted to get in his hakama, literally. But this woman is different, unless………

"I have to know, are you a man disguise as a woman?"

She splayed her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Do I look like one?"

"Is that a trick question?" he challenged her, crossing his arms.

"I'm a born-again virgin," she said proudly.

Battousai looked at her skeptically. "You're a virgin? How old are you, anyway?"

"23."

"23 and still a virgin!" Battousai said incredulously. "Now, there's really something wrong with you." He gave her a faintly pitying look.

Eyes narrowing in annoyance, Kaoru gave her head a sassy toss, sending a river of black silk tumbling over her shoulder. "I believe in self-preservation. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and the sacredness of sex."

Battousai arched a brow. "Or maybe nobody took up your offer, hmmm."

Kaoru flinched as if he'd reached out and cut her. "You bastard," she whispered, raw fury seeping through her like blood from the wound. This was a sucker punch below the belt. Everybody knows she'll never just drop her panties for anything with testosterone. But that doesn't mean she's undesirable.

Battousai gave a throaty chuckle. "Aw come on, where's your sense of humor?"

"Virgins don't have one. We just walk around thinking pure thoughts."

"Well, I'm thinking unholy thoughts about you."

Kaoru shot him a malevolent look. "Whatever your thoughts are, keep them to yourself."

"I don't want to keep them. I want to act on them."

Her patience cracked like thin ice. Color rose into her face. "How do I get rid of you?"

Battousai gave her a look. "You can't. I'm stuck here until the one who summons me dies."

Kaoru stared at him, agog. "You mean I'm stuck with you! That's the consequence of summoning you!" She was starting to hyperventilate. Breathe, Kaoru. Breathe.

He shrugged. "I guess." Battousai hadn't expected her reaction to be so explosive. Well, he was really shocked, because usually girls just hold his hands and tell him how great he is and they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him.

"What is the cause of death of the women who summons you?"

"Oh, natural cause."

"How natural is the cause?" She asked suspiciously.

"Exhaustion."

Kaoru blinked. "Excuse me? They died from exhaustion?"

"Yep," he said with bitter amusement.

He bared his teeth in a parody of a smile. "Face it, doll face. You need a man. You need me."

The size of his ego flabbergasted her.

He gave her a sardonic smile. "Can you imagine a world without men?"

"Yeah! No crime and lots of happy, fat women!" Kaoru snapped. Her body was rigid and trembling with righteous indignation. She shot him what she hoped was a withering glare, but since she didn't have much practice with that sort of thing, it probably fell short.

"I just couldn't imagine you naked. Instead of being aroused, I may end up laughing." She lifted her chin. "To be blunt, you don't turn me on." Liar, liar, pants on fire.

A lazy smile curled the corners of Battousai's mouth. "Prove it," he said softly, capturing her gaze with his.

Kaoru did her best to ignore the heat his look was generating. "I'm not interested."

She started to draw back, but he caught her by the wrist before she could make a clean getaway, his move so quick, it took her breath away. Or maybe it was the feel of his fingertips caressing the paper-thin skin inside her wrist that took the air from her lungs. His touch was gentle, feather-light, and yet there was a latent strength in that long, calloused hand that sent shivers raining through her.

"You will be interested once I'm finish with you," he murmured stroking her where her pulse was jumping in her veins.

"I don't think so, "she said, her bravado diluted by breathlessness.

He leaned a little closer, drew her little closer to him by exerting the slightest pressure on her wrist. "Your eyes, they are like gems." Their eyes clung for an interminable minute, the world seemed to stand still, and then it tilted crazily as Battousai took her blindly against his chest. "Eyes of blue, always true." He murmured, watching her, the gleam in his eye turning predatory. The next instant she was swept by the incredible wonder and warmth of his mouth on hers.

Kaoru was unprepared for the depth of his embrace, or how his lips met hers, hot and hard and demanding. How they felt, so rough and yet at the same time soft. Provocative. Fire blazed through her, red-hot and sizzling, leaping, soaring flames. He gathered her closer, kissing her for so long that she thought she might faint.

"Goodness," was all she could murmur when he let her up for air. Thank goodness he was holding her. She was still a bit breathless. How could he affect her this way? Her knees were shaking and her legs felt weak and her heart was hammering so fast, she felt certain she was in danger of cardiac arrest.

"Well?" he whispered huskily. He flashed his grin again, that lopsided quirk of his mouth that drove women wild.

She could feel the heat from his body, the living, breathing flesh, and he was so damn sexy, it was a crime. This was no apparition in front of her; this was flesh-and-blood man, lean and gorgeous. The smell of sandalwood assailed her nostrils, along with his inherent maleness that was his and his alone.

This was fire. Smoldering embers waiting to explode into a raging inferno. Being with him was like dumping gasoline in a forest and then tossing a match. Carelessly.

Tempting fate.

"I think I'll keep you," she whispered huskily.

TBC

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

That's it for now. My grandma just died and I'm still not in the mood for long chapters, sorry. Just tell me what you think. I'm still kind of confused right now due to lack of sleep.

When I started this story, it's supposed to be a one-shot. But being the woman that I am (a fickle minded one); I decided to make this into a full-blown fic. There will be lemon in future chapters. (:BLUSHING:)

I also posted this fic in adultfanfiction.

THANKS TO ALL THE REVIEWERS.

Blue Jeans – I love your review. THAT WAS HILARIOUS:lOl:


	4. Stuck on You

SUMMONING BATTOUSAI

By MARSTANUKI

Standard Disclaimers Apply

WARNING: Major OOCness

CHAPTER 3

"I think I'll keep you….."

With curled lips, he said, "I knew you couldn't resist me." A smile devilishly crossed his lips.

"……Or not." Kaoru sighed. That was a fast drop. From wow to blech in seconds.

"There's always a lot of hot air when you're around," she said, the slightest edge of irritation in her voice. "You're a narcissistic jerk who thinks you're the gods' gift to women."

He smirked. "Lady," he practically bit out the word. "I am the gods' gift to women."

His smirk caused women to swoon, but it had a different effect on Kaoru. His smirk caused her adrenalin to flow, blood pressure to soar, hatred and violence to burst forth, and she wanted nothing more than to slap him silly.

Kaoru stared at him, a little stunned at his statement. "Oh, that's just great! I'm stuck with Mr. Personality for the rest of my pathetic existence. Life is too cruel," she said, caught between cynicism and disbelief.

Battousai was furious. "Look," he growled as her words dealt a huge blow to his ego. "You should get down on your knees and thank me for bringing some light into your dull, gloomy life."

What! Why the bastard!

Her breath left her body in a rush of anger. "I should take a crowbar to your knees." Kaoru was getting more furious with every word that came out of his mouth. She pointed her finger at him. "Look," she said. "Believe it or not, I have a life. One that doesn't include you in it."

He snarled, his own temper spiking upward. "If you think I'm thrilled by being here with you, you're sadly mistaken. I assure you I'm not here by choice."

His words stung her.

"Well, there's the door," she said, pointing toward it. "Don't let it hit you on the rump on your way out."

He gave her a half-lidded sneer, and then thinned his lips with just enough menace to get her blood pumping. He shifted his weight until he loomed over her, something he'd already figured out she didn't like.

Kaoru's nostrils flared.

Damn, he was having a good time. He switched to his whispery, beyond-the-crypt voice. "If you keep up that attitude, you're going to die an old maid."

Kaoru was fuming and Battousai was enjoying himself. He loved baiting her. She was very different from other women he had met.

He thought of his past summoners. He discovered women who were feminine and sweet, but in the bedroom, they were totally dominatrixes.

In this sexually androgynous world, he learned the truth about women. Not all are sweet and nurturing, and some women come with so much baggage, they don't mind dumping it all out on the first day. There were charming women who wore their hearts on their sleeves, but did he really need to know if her brother raped her, that she had multiple personalities or that she was on an anti-depressant that diminished her sexual appetite?

One woman told him she wanted to bring her mother along. A threesome.

Then there was the woman with 10 cats. He thought he could handle her eccentricities. Rule #1 in sexual attraction—just because a man is madly attracted to a woman does not mean the presence of 10 cats leering at him while making love to their mommy will not feel creepy. When he told her she had nine cats too many, she looked wounded.

There was also this woman who looked like a man with breasts. Too many tattoos and smoked like a human pipe.

Another one was still living with her "ex" and her "ex" looked as if he had just gotten out of prison. Plastered with tattoos and walks like a hulking linebacker. It seemed like it might be difficult to carry on some kind of sexual rendezvous that did not require police protection. But they did manage and it turned out that the "ex" was bisexual.

Even though he slept with many women, he was always quick to boot them out of bed. He got the job done. Period. There was no feeling of wanting to develop something deeper.

But when he kissed Kaoru, the earth really did shake. His heart was laid bare. His emotions were on fire. It was fun. It was thrilling. It was scary.

What was it about this woman that touched him in a way no one ever had before?

Kaoru opened her mouth to give Battousai a scathing remark when the phone rang.

Giving him a death glare, Kaoru went to answer it. "Hello?"

"Kaoru, you got to help me!"

"Misao, get a hold of yourself. Tell me what happened," she demanded, starting to worry.

"I have just heard a story that makes me shudder if it's true."

"Tell me it doesn't involve opium. Tell me that Aoshi is not cheating on you."

"Neither of the above."

"How bad can it be?"

"It's my brother, Sano."

"What about your lunatic of a brother?"

"He has found a more lucrative job than being a bouncer at a club."

"What?"

"I have heard that rooster-head is the Golden Cucumber."

"The what?"

"A male stripper."

Silence descended between them. Kaoru's mouth hanging open, caught between disbelief and hilarity.

"Sano? A stripper? Wait for me, will you? I have to throw up."

Sano has done some crazy things in his life, but this one took the cake.

They'd grown up together. She and her sister Tomoe were childhood friends of Misao and Sano. They both came from hard-working, middle-class families. The three of them, not including her goody-two-shoes of a sister, had some great times together when they were kids.

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "I can't believe that he has stooped this low. Who could've thought it?"

"Yes. He's doing a land-office business. The highlight of his act—if it is him—is that he flips his jockstrap and his you-know-what is painted gold."

"Oh, my!"

"Precisely."

"Oh, Misao, that's disgusting. Does Sayo know about this?"

"Nope. Absolutely clueless."

"The poor dear. She better start praying for his soul. We better check it out. What's the name of the club?"

"Fantastic Lovers. Very popular with bored housewives. But I hear a lot of couples go too. That's weird, Kaoru. Would you take your lover to a male strip club?"

Kaoru sighed and looked over at Battousai. "In this case, Misao, I think that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"You have a lover," Misao gasped out.

"Mmm. You could say that," Kaoru said.

"Do I know him?"

Kaoru chuckled. "Oh, yes. You know him pretty well."

"Who is he?"

"Battousai."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WONDERFUL REVIEWERS! A BIG, BIG, THANKS to Velvet Footsteps and Royal BlueKitsune for proof-reading my story. :HUGS & KISSES:

Sorry for the long hiatus. "Timeless" is halfway done. Hopefully, I'll be able to update next month. (Cross fingers)

Wonder what Misao's reaction will be? How about Battousai's first public appearance? Curious about Sano's act? Stay tuned for the next chapter. :EVIL LAUGH:

OMAKE by Blue Jeans (You're the best :LOL: Love your OMAKE)

Battousai: "You can do with me as you wish. Just tell me how to please

you."

Kaoru: "...and how many women have you said that too?"

Battousai: "I really don't want to think about that."

Kaoru: "...Okay, how about you go check yourself into an STI clinque and

then we'll see about this love-slave business. I mean, I don't want to

catch something from you that's a hundred thousand years old or

something... and the thought of sleeping with everyone you slept with is

just a bit nauseating. I mean, who knows where they've been! Have you been

taught about protected sex?"

Battousai: "...STI? PROTECTED sex? Sleeping with everyone I slept with?

What's wrong with you woman! What are you talking about?"

Kaoru: muttering to herself "Oh! He's not educated at all!" ponders

over the wonders of sock puppets and tries to remember her health class

days in high school


	5. Golden Cucumber

SUMMONING BATTOUSAI

By MARSTANUKI

Standard Disclaimers Apply

WARNING: Major OOCness

CHAPTER 4

"Battousai?!" Misao repeated, incredulous.

"Yup."

Misao gave a bark of laughter. "Kaoru, you've gone totally bonkers."

"I'm perfectly sane, thank you very much," she said in the same tone of false equanimity she might use with an annoying two-year-old. "I bet you ¥**15,000** I'm telling the truth."

"No freaking way!"

"Freaking yes." Kaoru mimicked Misao. "I'm going to hang up now. We will meet you in the club parking lot at 10:30. Bye." She put down the phone before her lunatic best-friend could say anything more.

"Come on, Trouble," she said to Battousai "It's showtime."

------------------------ -----------------------------------------

Before they headed out, Kaoru managed to find appropriate attire for Battousai (Well, appropriate enough in her opinion) to wear. She unearthed her father's jeans that were held by a silver belt and were incidentally too big on him and a gold shirt with twinkling buttons that was given to her by an ardent suitor who had worked in a circus. She made a mental note to drag him off on a shopping spree as soon as things settled down.

Battousai gave an offended sniff at the ugly shirt. "This is such an ugly thing you had me wear."

Kaoru flashed him a grin. "Don't worry, that getup is definitely you. Weird and out of this world."

"This piece of cloth should be burned for the greater good of mankind," he muttered.

Kaoru flashed her teeth and leered at him. "Take your pick, wear that or go naked."

"I'd rather go naked. After all, I'm revoltingly sexy."

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "Revolting, yeah. But I don't know about the sexy part."

His voice dropped to that silky-soft pitch that raised the hair on the back of her neck. "Admit it. You're crazy about my body."

"You wish," Kaoru sniffed. She reached for the doorknob of her apartment, before stopping.

"You're not going to freak out on me, are you?"

"Freak out?"

"When I open this door we are going to move into the twenty-first century."

"So soon? Why, the twentieth was here only this morning. I'll have to set my clock ahead."

Kaoru shook her head and muttered under her breath "Wise guy." She opened the door, and he followed her through it.

Kaoru couldn't help grinning, knowing the next twenty minutes were probably going to blow his mind. Pointing to her Toyota as she started walking toward it, Kaoru said, "C'mon. You're about to get the ride of your life."

Five minutes later, she wasn't sure they would ever leave the parking lot. Battousai had balked at the idea of climbing inside the "steel box," and only her cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die vow that he would not be trapped had persuaded him to get in.

"Okay, now it's your turn," she instructed, after having just demonstrated the not-so-graceful art of entering and exiting the car. "Just bend your knees a little, and sort of dip and lean…..and be careful not to—"

Too late. He banged his head on the Toyota's roof. Battousai let out a string of curses. "How the hell can you tolerate such a confining space?" He asked, rubbing the newly tender spot on his skull.

"Because it's a cool car," Kaoru replied, walking around to the side. She got in, slid under the steering wheel, closed the door, and turned toward him. "Buckle up."

"Pardon me?" He asked, struggling to fold his legs into a comfortable position.

"Okay, you're pardoned. Just kidding. You have to—" she stretched her upper body across his chest, pushed down the button to lock his door, then grasped the safety harness and made the near-fatal mistake of looking up into his eyes "—buckle up."

They were breasts to chest, their faces close, and their lips mere inches apart.

Instantly, Kaoru's heart was beating so fast it sounded like an orchestra of kettledrums in her ears, and the air in her lungs seemed to be in such ridiculously short supply that she had trouble catching her breath. Those amber eyes, she thought, would make any man green with envy. And his mouth—her gaze could not help but be drawn there. Oh, his mouth…

He shifted in his seat, causing Kaoru to snap out of her sensual trance. "It's, uh, a state law." She straightened, pulling the strap across his hard-muscled chest, down past his waist and hip, dangerously close to his…..

"There," she shoved the buckled into the latch, and jerked her hand—her none-too-steady hand—away. Fast. Gracious but her voice was breathy. "The last thing we need is a cop stopping us." Kaoru smiled, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt, and thanked her lucky stars policemen didn't issue tickets for lewd thoughts the way they did for lewd behavior, or she would be in big trouble.

She started the engine, glancing over at her companion. "Okay?"

He nodded, not because he was afraid, but because, after having her body next to his, he wasn't sure that she hadn't robbed him of his power of speech. The feel of her breasts pressed against him had brought a quick and undeniable reaction. She had been so close, so tempting, that he had instinctively leaned into her, and almost put his hands on her before he realized his mistake. Thank the gods she had pulled away when she did, and that the darkness helped cover the fact that his manhood strained painfully against his pants. The last few minutes had not helped cool his blood.

How could he be thinking such lustful thoughts when so much was at stake? His pride and most especially, his heart. From the time he was a little boy, Battousai had been aware of his ability to manipulate people. Born to extreme wealth, he was ardent, wild, and restless. He knew no danger, no limitations. He had been alienated from the world by his domineering father and a whore of a mother who left her family for a man thirteen years younger than she. His father became obsessed with swordsmanship. He drilled his son night and day, trying to teach him the most complicated sword technique known to man, called Hiten Mitsurugi. He wanted his son to be the most powerful swordsman in the world, and young Battousai tried hard to live up to his father's expectations.

After his mother left them, his father was simply devastated. He started drinking and did not stop till he was six feet under. A once powerful man who became weak because he let his heart rule his head. What a rotten waste!

His father's voice echoed in his mind. "Women all have the devil in them, son. I'll not let them corrupt you like your mother did to me." Could that be it? The weakness and trembling he had felt when Kaoru had looked at him? Was she corrupting him?

The hate he felt for his mother consumed him. Battousai could not believe the enormity of the rage he felt. His life was perfect back then. He had had a home, parents who doted on him, a perfect life, but that all changed because his mother had an itch that needed scratching. He had been treated shabbily, deprived of everything by his slut of a mother and a vindictive goddess.

She had thought that by putting a curse on him, he would come to love the women who summoned him. Sure, he could not fight the lust that consumed him, after all it was part of the curse. But love was something he could not give. He had vanished that emotion a long, long time ago. He was a man whose heart could not be tamed.

Everyone said he was selfish and vain, but he could care less. There was a fire burning in him that was so fierce he could not put it out. It was a rage to live, a need to do everything, be everything. Life was a lover, and Battousai was desperate to possess it with all he had in him.

The curse had forced him to fulfill the harlots' sexual fantasies. At first he despised it but could not do anything about it. Gradually, he learned to enjoy it. It was not the act itself he loved; it was the power it gave him. He was the one in control. He gloated over the pleading looks of the women who wanted to take him to bed and make love to him. He enjoyed teasing them and watching their hunger grow. He enjoyed the lying promises they made in order to possess him. But most all, Battousai enjoyed the power he had over their bodies. He could bring them to orgasm with a kiss, and wither them with a word. He did not need them, they needed him. He controlled them entirely, and it was a tremendous feeling. Within minutes, he could measure a woman's strengths and weaknesses. He decided women were fools, all of them.

No matter how many times, the goddess curse him, he would not succumbed to their evilness.

His hands shot out suddenly, interrupting his thoughts to grasp the dashboard the moment the car moved.

"Take it easy," Kaoru warned. "I'll get you there in one piece."

After several moments passed and he decided she might be telling the truth, a conveyance similar to the one they were in, passed them. "Is that another car?" Battousai asked, glancing over his shoulder, watching it speed out of sight.

"Yup."

They pulled up to a stoplight. Battousai continued to check out the other cars, and Kaoru could see that he was struggling to process everything. The light changed, and they moved on through a residential section, passing several strip malls and apartments with a near-full parking lot and busy shoppers, many of whom were wearing shorts and T-shirts of varying descriptions.

He was quiet for the remainder of the drive to the club, and Kaoru did not make any attempt at conversation.

They pulled into the parking lot of a gaudy building with a façade shaped like a huge apple; it was painted red and outlined with neon.

Misao arrived shortly with an ever stoic Aoshi in tow. When she saw Kaoru's companion, she pulled back in surprise. Her breath caught in her throat. Okay, now she was majorly impressed. He was the most beautiful, yummy guy she had ever seen in her entire life. She let out a slow, appreciative breath

**_Oh my, my_**.

Her gaze focused hungrily on his lips and how much she truly wanted a taste of those well-shaped lips. For the first time in her life, she wanted to kiss a man whom she knew absolutely nothing about. That thought both scared and excited her. His masculine power and overt sexuality overwhelmed her.

Aoshi followed her gaze, and then frowned. He wrapped his left arm back around his girlfriend, and glared at the red-headed man.

He was never the possessive type. What the hell was wrong with him? With her?

"When you're ready to go inside," he growled in her ear, "just let me know."

Misao tensed at his words. She stared at him, her eyes widening at his curt tone. She finally realized that she had been caught staring at Kaoru's date and ignoring her boyfriend, who was staring at her coolly.

A faint blush stained her cheeks before she shook her head. "No, you're right. Let's go."

Before they entered the club, Kaoru introduced her companion to a drooling Misao and an aloof Aoshi. She tried to diffuse the tense moment by suggesting they all go inside the club.

They walked into the club, where one of the warm-up acts had just concluded. The interior was both modern and well-decorated, with plush theater seats surrounding a stage with a parquet floor in the middle of the room. The club was packed, with a decidedly middle-class clientele. There were groups of women, obviously housewives on a girls' night out, and well-dressed couples were dispersed throughout the predominantly female crowd. It had an air more like a shopping mall than that of an old, smoke-filled, burly house.

The women could not take their eyes off of Battousai. Even in those tacky clothes, he walked with predatory gait. The man was pure, fluid grace. Kaoru liked the way his long ponytail bobbed behind his head as he walked, not to mention his mouth-watering ass. Not that she was paying attention. It was obvious all the women present, especially Misao, shared her sentiments.

"Oh, baby," she heard one woman whisper.

"He can eat crackers in my bed anytime he wants," whispered another.

Battousai didn't seem to notice that he drew the attention of every woman they passed.

They took a seat in one of the back rows and Kaoru hunched down in her seat and looked around at the crowd.

"Look at these people, guys. They look so ordinary. Middle-aged Japanese housewives."

"Maybe it won't be Sano. Maybe they were hallucinating and thought it was him." Misao said nervously.

"Cross your fingers and hope he dies if it is true." Kaoru said.

Just then, an announcer wearing a tux stepped onto the stage, took a mike, and said, "And now the event you have all been waiting for. Our featured performer who drives the ladies wild!"

That man, Kaoru thought, has precisely the same pitch as a TV game show host, working up the crowd for the cameras.

"Come on, folks, let's have a big hand for the sensation of Tokyo, in the flesh—and I do mean flesh—ladies and gentlemen, the Golden Cucumber!"

The band burst into a zippy melody and the crowd applauded wildly as a man trotted onstage, wearing a green formfitting body suit and a green sequined mask. He began to dance, sensuously, moving his body to the now insinuating rhythm. The crowd cheered its encouragement, good-naturedly.

"Is it him?" Battousai whispered to Kaoru.

"I don't know. I can't tell with that damn mask. It sure looks a lot like him."

"How well do you know him?"

"We were childhood friends."

Onstage, the dancer stripped off his jacket to reveal a bare well-muscled chest. The women in the audience whistled, cheered, and howled. Battousai said to Kaoru, "Well?"

"I don't know."

The dancer, bumping and grinding, slowly peeled off his trousers, until the only clothing he wore was a green sequined jockstrap. He faced one side of the audience, then the other, for a series of pelvic thrusts. The audience adored it.

"That's quite a cucumber he's got there," Battousai said.

"Women aren't hung up about size," Kaoru said sternly. "Men just think they are."

"Oh? And just what is it women like, Miss-Virgin-Who-Only-Thinks-Pure-Thoughts?"

"Sensitivity, consideration—"

Just then, a member of the audience overcome with emotion dashed into the stage, fell to her knees, and tucked a bill inside the dancer's jock, feeling the muscles of his stomach as she did so. Two other women followed suit.

"Oh, my God!" Kaoru said. "I don't believe these women!"

"Sensitivity, consideration—"

"Oh, shut up, Batty," Kaoru snapped.

The noise had risen to a crescendo, with the music blaring and the women in the audience, who obviously were having a grand time, whooped and hollered like a band of Comanches. The dancer let his hands fall to his jockstrap and then took them away again. The audience howled its approval. Then he brought his hands to his green-sequined mask and flipped it off—a harbinger of things to come.

"Oh, crap, it's him," Misao groaned. "It's Sano." She loved his brother, but not at this moment. At this moment, she wished very vile things on Sano's head. Painful nasty things.

Another woman leaped up out of the crowd, ran to the dancer, tucked a folded bill in his jock, and kissed the dancer full on the mouth. He grinned and did another bump and grind and let his hands again rest on the jockstrap. This time he kept them there as he gyrated, and then he snapped the jockstrap teasingly. The crowd loved it. He kept on teasing them, tugging just a bit on the strap and then letting it slide back to its accustomed place. The crowd began to chant, "Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!"

As the chanting of the crowd rose to fever pitch, the dancer put both his hands on his jockstrap, gave one energetic bump and grind as the drums rolled, and then with a swift motion, yanked the strap away from his genitals. The exposed member, admirable in configuration, was indeed painted a shiny golden hue. It glinted in the spotlight.

"Oh crap, he did it!" Misao said, stunned.

"Eww, that's disgusting." Kaoru made a face. Now, whenever she looked at Sano, all she would think of was his…..cucumber.

Just then, the sound of a whistle split the air, and men in blue ran down the aisles from the two side entrances toward the stage. Misao stared at them uncomprehendingly for a minute.

"Guys, is this part of the act?"

"This is raid! Let's get the hell out of here," Aoshi said.

Two policemen ran up the stage and threw a towel around the startled Sano and started to lead him away, as the crowd screamed in protest.

"They can't arrest him!" Misao said.

"They just did," Kaoru muttered.

"I've got to stop this," Misao said. "Golden Cucumber or not, Rooster-head is still my brother, unfortunately." She leaped up from her seat and plunged into the churning mass of bodies in front of her, elbowing her way toward the exit where the policemen were leading the dancer out the door.

"Misao, dammit, wait a minute," Kaoru called out. She and her two companions jumped up to go after Misao, but they had a hard time making any headway through the crowd. They thought for a minute that they were going to be knocked off their feet as people began to panic. They saw Misao disappear out the entrance where the two policemen had led Sano, so they turned around to head for the nearest exit.

Misao, meanwhile, emerged from the rear door just in time to see Sano being led toward a waiting police car. She rushed up to the policemen who had her brother by the arm and said, "Officer, you can't arrest him. He didn't break the law."

Sano looked at Misao, astonished. "Weasel girl, what are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm here to save your cucumber." She turned to the policemen. "Why are you arresting him?" Misao demanded. Her tone of voice held the authority of a high school teacher, which she had worked as for the past few years. However, it did not have the same effect on the officer as it did on her students. The man lighted his cigarette and blew smoke into the face of a fuming Misao.

"Answer me, please!" she demanded.

"Lewd and lascivious behavior, public exhibitionism, endangering public morality….need I say more Weasel girl?" he asked with raised brows.

"He was just dancing," Misao said. "Since when is that against the law?"

The policeman did not answer but started again to lead Sano to the police car. Misao planted herself firmly in front of him. "Look at those signs, all up and down this road. Live Nudes. Nude Dancers. You let women dance in the nude all the time. This is unequal treatment under the law!"

"Ma'am, please step aside," said the other policeman, whose hair resembled a broom. "My name is Sergeant Chou Sawagejou and this is Captain Saitou Hajime. We have a right to arrest this man."

"You just stop this nonsense right now!" Misao said using the tone she took with high school students caught with pot in their bags. "You will be sued for false arrest!"

At that moment, her three companions rounded the back corner of the building and took in the whole scene.

"Misao, what the hell—"

"Release him this instant," Misao said. "He is my brother."

"If you don't get out of my way, Weasel girl, I'll turn you in too." Captain Hajime warned.

"Don't you threaten me," Misa said, not moving.

"Misao—" Aoshi said, but the police officer, his patience finally snapping, turned to his partner. "Take her in."

The cop grabbed Misao's arm to pull her out of the way, roughly. Aoshi grabbed his hand and yanked it from Misao's arm. "Take it easy, man!"

"Oh, for Kami's sake, another one," said the broom-headed policeman. "Shit, what a night. Let's arrest him too."

"You can't arrest him," Misao said, now so angry as to be almost incoherent. "He's a lawyer!"

"Who cares, Lady," said the cop. "Now folks, I am going to read you your rights, so you just stand there nice and quiet. I don't want any trouble. 'You have the right to remain silent—' "

"Wait a minute, Officer," Kaoru suddenly butted in.

Sano, who had been watching the whole scene incredulously, grinned and said to Kaoru, "Missy, nice to see you. You're looking great."

Kaoru stared at him coolly and said, "I can't say the same thing about you." She again turned to the older cop. "Officer, Sano isn't a criminal; he's just trying to feed his family. His wife is 6 months pregnant with their first child. He is just trying to earn some extra cash. I know it is stupidity on his part, but we've known each other since childhood, and I know he is a good man. Perhaps, we can make some sort of compromise; after all, this is his first offense."

"Miss, are you aware of the laws against indecent exposure?"

"I didn't think it was indecent, officer. It was painted; it wasn't just hanging out there. The natives in Africa paint their penises in earth colors to give homage to the fertility gods. Then they dance. It is really a very historic tradition."

"Miss—"

"Kamiya…..Kaoru Kamiya."

"Miss Kamiya, we are not in Africa. Here in Japan, we prefer for our fertility rites to be somewhat less spectacular."

"Really? Then, why do we have phallic extravaganza, otherwise known as the Kanamara Matsuri Festival?"

"Sir," Sano interrupted. "I didn't know I was breaking the law. I wouldn't have done it if I had."

The police officer massaged his temple, then said "Shit, what a night. Out with a bunch of lunatics. Alright, since this is your first offense, I'm going to let you off with a warning. But in the future, during any and all performances, you will keep your private parts covered by a substance more substantial than paint. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"I can't believe that he just slaps on some gold paint and makes three times what I make in a week." The broom-head cop known as Chou muttered following his superior.

When both police officers were gone, Kaoru turned to Sano and Misao. She smacked both of them on their heads.

"Ouch!" they both yelled in unison. "What was that for?"

"That," Kaoru said, "is for being stupid. Both of you. Misao, you were pretty dumb tonight. You nearly got us all in a cell block by arguing with cops." She then turned to Sano. "And you, Rooster-head, what on earth impelled you to take a job like this?"

"I've had a lot of dance training, you know. I thought it would be a good way to make some money."

"But painting your—uh, I mean, painting it gold?"

"That was my idea, not the club's. I thought it would be a great finish. It's just body paint; it's not harmful."

"Idiot, you nearly go to jail because of your great idea," Aoshi interjected.

"Well, I'm sorry, Ice-man. I never thought I'd get arrested. I mean, what's the big deal? It's only a penis."

"It's sort of against the law to whip it out in public, Rooster-head," Misao snapped.

"It's not like I'm a pervert, exposing myself in alleys. I'm an artist," Sano said defensively.

Aoshi shook his head. "Idiot Rooster-head, a green-sequined jockstrap and a painted prick are not everybody's idea of art."

"We live in an increasingly repressive society," Sano said darkly. "The lights of artistic freedom are going out across the land. Besides, I'm a star. I make thousands of yen a week, plus tips. And I don't think I ought to just knuckle under to the repressive power of the state. This is a moral issue."

"And what do you know about morality, you prick, painting, idiot?" Kaoru said irritably.

Sano held up his hands. "Why are you all ganging up on me?" he asked, offended. "I'm just an honest-to-goodness hard-working man." Suddenly, he noticed Battousai. "Well, well, who might you be?"

Kaoru froze at Sano's question. "Well……" Her voice trailed off.

With an odd note in his voice he said. "I'm her lover."

TBC

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Sorry, for the long hiatus. Life's a bitch! A million thanks to Velvet Footsteps and Royal BlueKitsune for proof-reading my fic. Until next time. (I don't know when) and thanks for reading and reviewing.


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